<![CDATA[Game Interceptor]]>https://www.gameinterceptor.comhttps://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!xQQl!,w_256,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4e7e2888-edbb-4de7-bf3a-6ff85fd0937b_900x900.pngGame Interceptorhttps://www.gameinterceptor.comSubstackWed, 30 Sep 2026 18:06:40 GMT<![CDATA[Seasoned WoW Veteran Not Sure She Has Enough Mental Health Capacity for Yet Another World of Warcraft Classic Plus]]>https://www.gameinterceptor.com/p/seasoned-wow-veteran-not-sure-shehttps://www.gameinterceptor.com/p/seasoned-wow-veteran-not-sure-sheWed, 30 Sep 2026 16:04:10 GMTAnalise Dupreyse expressed concern at a press briefing Sunday afternoon, following a City Council meeting concerning tax legislation regarding a slush fund for animal welfare programs.

“I’m just not sure my mental health capacity has enough room for yet another World of Warcraft Classic Plus,” she said, “First, we had the classic World of Warcraft. I was there when we stormed Molten Core. I was there when Leeroy expressed his namesake. I was there when we invaded the funeral. And that was a lot, by itself. Well, that game evolved and Blizzard kept adding more and more to it. It would become the main Classic Plus that people play today in Midnight.”

“Then, Blizzard reverted to the original Classic with WoW Classic, and they added a few quality of life improvements and a hardcore mode. People also enjoy this Classic Plus, though the plus is much more minimal.”

“And on top of that, they made another Classic Plus, called Season of Discovery, which is the Classic Plus where they reverted to the original and shook things up a little bit with different roles for each class.”

“And I love all of these games, but please, for the love of Xe’Ra,” Analise pleaded, “don’t release yet another Classic Plus!”

“Each one of these games costs my mental health considerably, and I’m going to play every one of them because I love them so very much. I don’t know if I will ever recover from just one more variation of Classic Plus!”

Blizzard announced World of Warcraft Forever later that week.

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]]><![CDATA[FromSoftware’s Miyazaki Mirrors Player Frustration Regarding The Duskbloods Release Date ]]>https://www.gameinterceptor.com/p/fromsoftwares-miyazaki-mirrors-playerhttps://www.gameinterceptor.com/p/fromsoftwares-miyazaki-mirrors-playerWed, 16 Sep 2026 17:02:39 GMT“I feel frustrated,” Miyazaki told his video game therapist and our reporter Greg Matthews, “because The Duskbloods is releasing this year, and we still don’t have a scheduled release date.”

“I felt for sure that we would let everyone know when it’s releasing at the latest Nintendo Direct, but even though it’s mere months from 2027, much to my surprise and chagrin, we didn’t have anything to share.”

“I’ve been speculating about a Halloween release date, but on the other hand, we usually don’t release a game so close to announcing the date, so that might be off the table now. It seems like all we have is conjecture.”

“We usually don’t delay games either, with the exception of Elden Ring, which we only delayed for a month. On the other hand, Elden Ring Tarnished Edition for the Nintendo Switch 2 was delayed substantially, and we are most likely releasing The Duskbloods for the Switch, so maybe it has something to do with that.”

“On the other hand, and this is also only conjecture, but maybe it’s really releasing soon and we just aren’t saying anything until Fire Emblem releases. Who is to say?”

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How many hands does Miyazaki have?

]]><![CDATA[Well-Adjusted Gamer Excited for New Game Addiction to Throw Wrench in His Mental Health]]>https://www.gameinterceptor.com/p/well-adjusted-gamer-excited-for-newhttps://www.gameinterceptor.com/p/well-adjusted-gamer-excited-for-newWed, 09 Sep 2026 16:01:04 GMTLocal well-adjusted gamer Todd Nuggenhalf told reporters last night, “It’s been a while since a game gripped me. I miss long gaming nights when I should be preparing for tomorrow’s bar exam or buying my wedding suit for the next day.”

“Games just haven’t been that fun lately. I’m preparing to represent a client tomorrow when I should be spending my time with something more interesting, like a game that our guild cares about so much that our friend group ruptures over loot, or we lose to the boss and then half our guild gets prescribed SSRIs.”

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]]><![CDATA[New DLSS 5 Feature Makes Your Player Character a Photorealistic Copy of Your Ex You Can’t Stop Thinking About ]]>https://www.gameinterceptor.com/p/new-dlss-5-feature-makes-your-playerhttps://www.gameinterceptor.com/p/new-dlss-5-feature-makes-your-playerWed, 02 Sep 2026 16:00:37 GMTIn the latest NVIDIA keynote, Chess Cutlingham announced that “After extensive engineering and rigorous testing, our AI upscaling department is ready to present the latest technological innovation. Please welcome Lisa Custard, head of said department.”

“Our AI researchers delved deep into psychology, philosophy, and surveillance to uncover the most efficient methodology to increase player retention. We found what would keep players coming back, again and again. We built the technology that would help developers keep players obsessing over their games. Unveiling this revolutionary DLSS 5 technology today: your player character will look exactly like your ex who you can’t stop thinking about.”

Leakers reported that the same technology will be used to make antagonists look like their parents to liberals, and like liberals to Republicans.

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Image: NVIDIA / Capcom / MxBenchmarkPC / Game Interceptor
]]><![CDATA[The Duskbloods Network Test Brings Political Opponents Together]]>https://www.gameinterceptor.com/p/the-duskbloods-network-test-bringshttps://www.gameinterceptor.com/p/the-duskbloods-network-test-bringsWed, 26 Aug 2026 16:04:04 GMTPolitical commentary rivals Wanda Wilke and Simone Sikes share vehement disagreements over YouTube reaction videos, regularly confronting blatant hypocrisy and ignorance in each other’s views. But now, the PvPvE Network Test for The Duskbloods finally brought them together in shared uncertainty and acceptance of each other’s nuanced views. Here is a visual guide to some of their positions:

They intend to resume the feud once The Duskbloods blows over.

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]]><![CDATA[Does Resident Evil Requiem Hold Up in August 2026?]]>https://www.gameinterceptor.com/p/does-resident-evil-requiem-hold-uphttps://www.gameinterceptor.com/p/does-resident-evil-requiem-hold-upWed, 19 Aug 2026 16:01:48 GMTIn February 2026 (prior to Game Interceptor’s hostile takeover, which led to Billi Binks deleting GI records during a scheduled server migration), Game Interceptor rated Resident Evil Requiem 10/10, giving it unanimous praise from our staff, and declaring it Game of the Year for extraordinary achievement.

But does it still hold up today, in August 2026?

We had our entire reviews department replay the game to answer that question, and we are bringing you, here, today, Game Interceptor Peer Reviews: Resident Evil Requiem.

Wendi Stuppel, Graphics Correspondent for Game Interceptor, told our staff “The graphics hold up. They are just like I remember them.”

Chet Daniels, Game Interceptor Sound Liaison, said “Resident Evil Requiem’s sound is outdated. Innovation in sound design pioneered in the horror genre by works like Obsession has shown that love can sound scarier than zombies . . . Zombies biting, gurgling, and slurping can never match the sheer terror of hearing the words “I love you” whispered into your ears by actress Inde Navarette.

Gameplay Scholar Eric Thompson explained that recent advancements in technology such as MSI’s Foot Controller—the lack of native support for this technology in RE9—may leave the player of today frustrated by a lack of precision in controls, but if they adapt and get used to the controls, then experiencing Resident Evil Requiem is still a worthwhile delve into the archives of video game history. Just like Resident Evil’s earlier TANK controls, players will need patience to adapt to the ways of yesteryear — the old ways.

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Image: Capcom, via igdb.com
]]><![CDATA[I Spilled Nickelodeon Slime on My Brand New MacBook Pro. Here’s What I Tried to Get It Out.]]>https://www.gameinterceptor.com/p/i-spilled-nickelodeon-slime-on-myhttps://www.gameinterceptor.com/p/i-spilled-nickelodeon-slime-on-myWed, 12 Aug 2026 16:03:02 GMT

  • I took it to AppleCare. They told me they don’t cover Nickelodeon Slime-related incidents.

  • I put it in rice.

  • I used rubbing alcohol.

  • I cleaned off the Nickelodeon slime.

  • I tried turning it on.

    • What should I try next?

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    ]]>    <![CDATA[Local Gamer Chris Ludenhoff Becomes His Best Self in Call of Duty Lobby at 3:50 AM]]>https://www.gameinterceptor.com/p/local-gamer-chris-ludenhoff-becomeshttps://www.gameinterceptor.com/p/local-gamer-chris-ludenhoff-becomesWed, 05 Aug 2026 16:02:30 GMT“It’s the only time I feel like me,” Chris explained to journalists at the international press briefing held earlier today.

    “I feel like every other me at every other time simply can’t compare to the words and actions I yell into my microphone after a late night of gaming.”

    “In real life, there are so many things pushing and pulling me and bringing me down. When I’m on your team at 3:50 AM on Xbox Live, you don’t get any of that. Just the real, best me.”

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    ]]>    <![CDATA[FFXIV Players Rejoice: MSI’s Kickstarter-Funded Foot Controller Will Let You Play With Your Female Miqo’te the Way She Was Meant to Be Played!]]>https://www.gameinterceptor.com/p/ffxiv-players-rejoice-msis-kickstarterhttps://www.gameinterceptor.com/p/ffxiv-players-rejoice-msis-kickstarterWed, 29 Jul 2026 16:01:07 GMT

    Image: MSI / Kickstarter

    https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/msiliberator-gen2/msi-liberator-gen-2-the-next-evolution-of-pc-gaming-input

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    ]]>    <![CDATA[Gamer Mom Still Can’t Find Five Consecutive Minutes to Beat Elden Ring Boss]]>https://www.gameinterceptor.com/p/gamer-mom-still-cant-find-five-consecutivehttps://www.gameinterceptor.com/p/gamer-mom-still-cant-find-five-consecutiveWed, 22 Jul 2026 16:02:17 GMT“Every time I get halfway through Starscourge Radahn, my baby needs a diaper changed or I need to change the laundry, cook for someone, drop one of the kids off at practice, or work on my Fiverr gigs.”

    “I’ve been trying to finish this boss since release, but there’s always some interruption and the pause button doesn’t work in AAA games so I have to restart the fight every time.”

    “All I need is five uninterrupted minutes,” Gamer Mom said to Gamer Dad, “It’s been years, and I just can’t scrape them together.”

    Gamer Dad responded, “I hope you find the time soon, honey.”

    Gamer Dad reportedly beat Elden Ring on launch week and is “very excited” for his wife to beat it, too.

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    Image: Bandai Namco / FromSoftware
    ]]>    <![CDATA[LEGO Scandal Finally Convinces YouTuber Police Corruption Is Real]]>https://www.gameinterceptor.com/p/lego-scandal-finally-convinces-youtuberhttps://www.gameinterceptor.com/p/lego-scandal-finally-convinces-youtuberWed, 15 Jul 2026 16:01:12 GMTYouTube commentator Ian McGulligan finally acknowledges police corruption because of a popular LEGO case involving the alleged theft of $200,000 worth of LEGO held on consignment by reseller Bricks & Minifigs.

    Faced with recent scandals including Homan Square and the Baltimore Gun Trace Task Force, as well as historic examples such as the Rampart scandal, McGulligan remained unconvinced until the LEGO case.

    During his investigation, McGulligan grew increasingly appalled at police and Bricks & Minifigs leadership for brainstorming potential charges against Reckless Ben together.

    “In my opinion, you should put a cop like this in jail!” Ian exclaimed after hearing the discussion.

    Then Ian explained what truly made him angry: “a lot of these anti-cop people who say things like the billionaires are paying the police, and you can’t trust the police . . . What really makes me mad — more than anything — is that these videos prove them right, because I hate those bottom feeders, and cases like this prove them right.”

    McGulligan went on: “I hate the fact that they are right sometimes.”

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    ]]>    <![CDATA[Following Sony’s Decision to Cut Physical Media, Steam Issues Statement Cutting Digital Media]]>https://www.gameinterceptor.com/p/following-sonys-decision-to-cut-physicalhttps://www.gameinterceptor.com/p/following-sonys-decision-to-cut-physicalFri, 10 Jul 2026 16:02:56 GMT“We heard the public outcry from Sony’s decision to cut physical media, and we learned from their mistakes.”

    “By 2028, Steam will cut all digital sales and games will be delivered physically only.”

    Spokesperson Jim Guffigan continued to explain that this has numerous benefits to users such as reducing piracy due to Steam-Floppy anti-piracy technology, and the convenience of the proprietary Steam-Floppy Reader. Furthermore, Steam games will no longer take up space on user hardware, as they will fit entirely on the Steam-Floppy they ship on.

    Guffigan went on, “users will no longer be able to spoof their location for lower prices, due to the now mandatory shipping address for every purchase.”

    Critics quickly coined phrases like “You will own everything and feel mildly inconvenienced.”

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    ]]>    <![CDATA[Since Ancient Greece, Men Have Been Portrayed with Unrealistic Body Standards. Marvel Rivals is Changing That.]]>https://www.gameinterceptor.com/p/since-ancient-greece-men-have-beenhttps://www.gameinterceptor.com/p/since-ancient-greece-men-have-beenMon, 06 Jul 2026 16:02:55 GMT

    Remember the phrase “Reserved, Restrained, Refined”? It has a longer history than most remember, originating over two thousand years ago when it was used to describe the ideal male form, a form that would continue to define the predominantly sexualized male body in society today.

    The idealized male form in Ancient Greek sculpture, and Hollywood’s continued reinforcement of that size, have perpetuated unattainable body expectations for millennia. Marvel Rivals finally stepped into the ring and made a character with a normal-sized penis, who contends with the everyday issues of Schlong-Everyman.

    Will Captain America need to pee before sitting down to poop between rounds because it’s too big to fit in the toilet bowl?

    Will Captain America need custom alterations whenever he buys pants, just like the rest of us?

    Finally, we have representation for the average man — not just the idealized Greek form. Thank you, Marvel Rivals. We feel heard. We feel seen.

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    ]]>    <![CDATA[Mideastern University to Offer Bachelor of Science in Kingdom Hearts 2.5 Studies]]>https://www.gameinterceptor.com/p/mideastern-university-to-offer-bachelorhttps://www.gameinterceptor.com/p/mideastern-university-to-offer-bachelorWed, 01 Jul 2026 16:01:40 GMTStarting in Fall 2027, Mideastern students will be able to enroll in a new interdisciplinary program focused on Kingdom Hearts 2.5 studies and related interdisciplinary frameworks. Courses include:

    • KING 105: Introduction to Kingdom Hearts 0.2

    • KING 110: Introduction to Heart and Darkness Studies

    • KING 450: Theory and Practice in Organization XIII

    As well as interdisciplinary studies including:

    • SOC 415: Replicas — Are They People?

    • GUM 160: Basic Gummies and Space

    • ANTH 315: Xehanort Studies — Anatomy of Xehanort

    Dr. Kathy Jenkins, Chairman of Applied Gummi Technology, commented, “. . . We feel very [sic] excited to offer a degree program preparing students for careers involving memory, darkness, and other emerging industry concepts.”

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    ]]>    <![CDATA[How Astro Bears, YouTube, and TikTok Helped Me Land a Job in My Field]]>https://www.gameinterceptor.com/p/how-astro-bears-youtube-and-tiktokhttps://www.gameinterceptor.com/p/how-astro-bears-youtube-and-tiktokWed, 24 Jun 2026 16:04:10 GMTAfter hundreds of applications, I added playing Astro Bears, YouTube research, and TikTok analysis to my résumé and landed a job in my field.

    Astro Bears

    1. Spatial coordination analysis

    2. Small-group conflict resolution

    3. Behavioral pattern recognition

    YouTube

    1. Nutrition intervention proficiency

    2. Clinical trial interpretation

    3. Differential diagnosis experience

    TikTok

    1. Geopolitical economics background

    2. Statistical analysis of voter behavior

    3. Foreign policy expertise

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    The self is continually re-authored until fiction becomes identity and identity becomes brand.

    ]]>    <![CDATA[Anthony Weaver Apologizes to Boomers After Playing a Period Game Set in 1994]]>https://www.gameinterceptor.com/p/anthony-weaver-apologizes-to-boomershttps://www.gameinterceptor.com/p/anthony-weaver-apologizes-to-boomersWed, 17 Jun 2026 16:01:30 GMT“I didn’t fully get that we really had been given everything for free,” said Anthony Weaver, “until I played No Thing and learned what all you boomers lived through in 1994.”

    “I got stuck on nearly every level for hours, and it made me realize how boomers had to live back then. They had to get a job (sometimes as a courier), own a home, and get around without Siri.”

    “And as a courier, a boomer wouldn’t even have had a GPS telling them ‘turn left’ or ‘turn right’. They had to listen to themselves and do that [expletive] manually.”

    “Sometimes figuring out where you were headed felt like walking in circles endlessly with no meaningful progress to show for it. Nowadays we have all sorts of objective markers and robots telling us where to go, and quest objectives and project managers telling us what to do.”

    “Our generation just gets that stuff for free — we collect unemployment and apartment complex employees mow our lawns for us. Gone are the days of real work and home ownership.”

    “Thank gosh,” he said, “I’m sorry to every boomer I ever doubted.”

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    ]]>    <![CDATA[Local Friend Group Declares Nate “Worse at Games Than Journalists” in Scathing Indictment]]>https://www.gameinterceptor.com/p/local-friend-group-declares-natehttps://www.gameinterceptor.com/p/local-friend-group-declares-nateWed, 10 Jun 2026 16:01:16 GMTFollowing 100 hours of losses in Tekken, a local friend group declared Nate “even worse at games than games journalists,” prompting an emergency hearing before the Iowa Gamer Circuit Court.

    During proceedings, Nate was subjected to a series of gamer challenges, such as tutorials, QTEs, and various telephone games.

    Following several days of deliberation, the jury returned a unanimous guilty verdict.

    Later that evening, after losing another round of Tekken to this article’s author, Nate announced intent to appeal to a higher court.

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    ]]>    <![CDATA[Microsoft to Expand Payment Infrastructure, New System to Include Gratuity for Live Services]]>https://www.gameinterceptor.com/p/microsoft-to-expand-payment-infrastructurehttps://www.gameinterceptor.com/p/microsoft-to-expand-payment-infrastructureFri, 05 Jun 2026 16:01:37 GMTRecent quarterly earnings reports revealed plans to rework Xbox Live payment infrastructure to include optional gratuity systems for Live services.

    “Gamers have been asking us, ‘Why can’t we pay more for this?’ for ages, so we decided to open up the system and allow customers to pay as much as they would like” Clive Chesterton told journalists, following the report.

    “We had been increasing the price of our Live Services for years to keep up with demand — Xbox Game Pass Ultimate already exceeds what we believed any responsible consumer would willingly pay at $22.99 monthly, but our customers kept telling us ‘We want to pay more!’ So we decided to open our system up to allow gratuity payments.”

    The report indicates that basic gratuity payments are set to begin at 20%.

    Post-publication update: Major grocery retailers, including those utilizing self-checkout, are reportedly monitoring Microsoft’s gratuity rollout. Some have begun trialing optional gratuity and round-up prompts in select locations.

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    ]]>    <![CDATA[78 Arrested, Police Injured at GameStops Following Esports Victory]]>https://www.gameinterceptor.com/p/78-arrested-police-injured-at-gamestopshttps://www.gameinterceptor.com/p/78-arrested-police-injured-at-gamestopsTue, 02 Jun 2026 16:01:41 GMT22 people were injured in clashes between esports fans and police at GameStop locations after a U.S. team won an international League of Legends championship. 78 people were arrested, with 45 still in custody. One person was found dead following an accident at a GameStop in New York, after crowds attempted to block access to the location overnight.

    Over 600 police officers were mobilized for victory celebrations at GameStops across the country. 6 of the injured were officers.

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    ]]>    <![CDATA[Study Finds No Correlation Between WoW Raiders and Any Measurable Life Metrics]]>https://www.gameinterceptor.com/p/study-finds-no-correlation-betweenhttps://www.gameinterceptor.com/p/study-finds-no-correlation-betweenFri, 29 May 2026 16:02:50 GMT
    Image: Blizzard Entertainment press materials

    A landmark Mideastern study indicates participation in high-level World of Warcraft raiding is not predictive of measurable life outcomes, including income, well-being, or life satisfaction.

    “We found no correlation between participation in top-tier World of Warcraft raiding guilds and any measurable life metrics,” Anna Linderstrum remarked. “Even at top-tier levels of play, raiding appears to have no detectable effect on outcomes outside of World of Warcraft.”

    Chris Thompson explained that researchers expected at least some level of financial impact. “We assumed that there would be a relationship, given the cost of subscriptions, expansions, and microtransactions. These often exceed 180 USD, plus a lengthy time investment. No such relationship emerged in the data.”

    Oliver Randolf added: “We all expected to find something . . . Even buying additional in-game currency (gold) with USD is always offset by other factors.”

    After review, Dr. Gyges theorized: “It’s almost as if an invisible hand offsets every dollar and hour invested into World of Warcraft . . . How could there be no effect?”

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