Anthony Weaver Apologizes to Boomers After Playing a Period Game Set in 1994

GAME INTERCEPTOR // REPORTS

“I didn’t fully get that we really had been given everything for free,” said Anthony Weaver, “until I played No Thing and learned what all you boomers lived through in 1994.”

“I got stuck on nearly every level for hours, and it made me realize how boomers had to live back then. They had to get a job (sometimes as a courier), own a home, and get around without Siri.”

“And as a courier, a boomer wouldn’t even have had a GPS telling them ‘turn left’ or ‘turn right’. They had to listen to themselves and do that [expletive] manually.”

“Sometimes figuring out where you were headed felt like walking in circles endlessly with no meaningful progress to show for it. Nowadays we have all sorts of objective markers and robots telling us where to go, and quest objectives and project managers telling us what to do.”

“Our generation just gets that stuff for free — we collect unemployment and apartment complex employees mow our lawns for us. Gone are the days of real work and home ownership.”

“Thank gosh,” he said, “I’m sorry to every boomer I ever doubted.”